Overdue

I thought I should update a bit on my kids as it is a bit overdue.

Lola: is now 5 months old but we just had her in for her 4 month check up two weeks ago. She was a little behind on her 4 month check because she suffered with a cold for nearly 3 months - poor girl - so I didn't think she should have shots until she was better. Well wouldn't you know it - the day after her shots she had another green, snotty nose. Ugh - I blame it on Teague's daycare germs! =) Anyway, she is an ooey-gooey baby (Auntie gave her that label - ooey gooey). She's just so chubby - we love it! Teague was a big boy, but he was just this solid mass of a kid while Lola is just well....gooey - in a good way of course!!! She is off the charts for height (27") - must be those good Mohr genes (and wherever Ryan got his height from), and 95th% for her weight (17 lbs). She is 1 pound less than Teague was at the same age and 2 inches shorter than he was at the same age. I have a feeling both of my kids will be taller than me! She is such a sweet little baby - always smiling, screeching and giggling. I am lucky to have had two kids now that are so super smiley! She is just so much fun to be with. She is starting to sit up unassisted and hates to lay down and attempts to pull herself into a sitting position at all time - I am amazed at the abs she has under all those rolls of fat! She has turned the corner and now does seem to like having her brother around! She looks for him and if he is not paying attention to her she screeches until he finally looks at her and then she just smiles from ear to ear.....at least until he gets too close to her and then her eyes are blinking like crazy in fear! She still sleeps like a dream (but was having some trouble when sick). All in all, she is just perfect through and through!

My big girl sitting up!

Teague: let's see....he is just packed full of energy. I don't think he walks anywhere he goes! Everything he does is in fast forward. Wow! I told my mom that I believed God only gave boys to moms who could handle them and somedays I really wonder why he chose me because I am so exhausted by the end of the day! My mom replied that God knew she couldn't handle it but in the long run she wondered why he thought she could handle two girls because down the road they are harder - I guess I would have to agree with her. I will take the 2 year old boy energy over the teenage girl attitude thing! ha! Anyway, he loves to love up Lola - sometimes too aggressively and I caught him the other day laying on her and telling her over and over while pointing in her face "YOU ARE ONLY A BABY....YOU ARE ONLY A BABY" (while she oogled and googled because she couldn't feel him laying on her ooey gooey self). I wonder where he has heard that before...maybe all the times we have said "Teague, she is only a baby!" Anyway, he is just a lot of fun and says the greatest things to make us laugh and others to keep us on our toes. He is very inquizzitive (everything now is "What's making that noise?" and I have to listen so closely because the everyday normal sounds to me are what he is talking about). He has started with "Why?" - which can drive you totally crazy, but I try to just go with it. He does have an attitude and has obviously learned some things from the other more older kids at daycare "GET AWAY FROM ME", "YOU ARE SCARING ME!", "I DON'T HAVE TO BE NICE/GENTLE" (he spend a lot of time giving himself time outs now - do you even think that's effective anymore when they give themself a time out??) and then the next thing you know he is snuggling and hugging you and saying "I really love you mama"! So from what I understand all his attitude is normal for a 2 year old. I actually felt happy when I was out shopping the other day and I heard a little boy (looked like Teague's age) say to his dad "Get away from me!" - I am sure the dad was mortified that his kid said it so loudly in public, but it made me realize my kid is normal. On the other hand, Tina has said that he is the most well mannered kid at daycare always saying please, thank you and you're welcome - so I must be doing something right???

Here's bossy bosser-son telling me to "get away! Don't take my picture!" Just before I took the picture he asked me so sweetly to help him put on his backpack and red crocs so he could "go to school"....then all heck broke loose when I got out the camera. Oye.

All in all - loving my time with my kids and this being home bit is definitely for me. Next school year still remains to be seen for what will happen. I am just keeping my options open and seeing what comes my way!

Reading the paper in bed - wanted to be like mama (can you see Lola hanging out in the middle there?)

Here he said to me "Take our picture" and I took the opportunity as I never can get him to actually look at the camera!

My sweet babies....

A Visit to Nana and Papa's

We spent the last couple of days at Nana and Papa's. We had a good time. My dad's swallowing has gotten a lot better and for the first time in a number of weeks he was able to go out to eat (he didn't want to eat in public because of his problems with swallowing). My kids had a great time and Teague loved snuggling with the dog that my parent's are dog sitting right now, Tanna. Lola is getting so big and instead of just relaxing and playing in her bouncy chair at Nana and Papa's she now attempts to sit upright - here she is watching us eat dinner and a picture of Teague snuggling with Tanna...

My Dad

My dad. I don't even know where to start with how I am feeling about things with my dad. I am in denial. I always tell Ryan that I am a realist (he says I am a pessimist), but I just refuse to acknowledge how sick my dad is. Doesn't a realist think about how things really are? I think I know how things "really are", but I just won't allow myself to "think" about it. If that even makes any sense? It's such a sickening thing - these stages of grief - because right now I am angry at myself. I am angry that I don't know how to make the best of the time I have with my dad, because - well - what if? And I am angry that I even have to think about trying not to think about "what if". What if he has his scan in a couple of weeks and it's not ok? Will I regret not spending "better" time with him? Is there anything I wish I would do and I don't know because I don't want to think about it? I have just so many tearful feelings right now after spending the last 48 hours with him. When I am not with him I can't "see" how sick he is. I only "hear" about it from my mom or if he's willing to share, I hear from him. My dad, however, puts on a really good front. But when I am with him I can see for myself the pain he is enduring. I hate it. I am tearful that he has to moan and groan in so much pain just to eat - and he is so faithful to keeping up his nutrition when I know if it were me I would just want to stop - if it really hurt that much to eat (and isn't eating usually a "joyful" and good thing for most of us?!). He walks with this hunch like he is just trying to protect his body because he hurts - and yet all the while he smiles and says things like "Oh look - what a great day! The sun is out!" And even with everything he is enduring, in the mornings he has the most strength (from a full night's sleep) that if he can manage it, he still takes my son to see the animals. He is a Papa through and through. He is an amazing, strong, God-loving, Papa, Dad and Husband. I love you Dad. I love you for fighting to stay with us.

Lola in the Morning! (Too Early)

Mother's Guilt

I hate it. Mother's guilt. It's the worst. Lately I have really been feeling like Teague is getting the best of me in his 2 1/2 year old way. He constantly challenges me. In. Every. Thing. He. Does. I try really hard to be patient and go with the flow but when he yells at bedtime "I. WANT. THE. DOOR. OPEN." (and that's like the millionth thing he has sing-songy yelled for the evening) I want to yell right back "I. WANT. PEACE. AND. QUIET." or "I. DON'T. CARE." or in all reality - let's be honest - sometimes I really just want to yell "SHUT.....it" - but the adult in me (there is one on occassion) knows better. At least this time. So I think of things after I have 10 minutes to myself before my own bedtime to do things alone with Teague so he feels "special" about being alone with me. So the next morning I say to him "Teague, let's go to Charlie's Cafe for pancakes. Just me and you!" And he exclaims "NO! I. WANT. TO. STAY. HOME!" Ugh, fine. So much for trying. Or how about on Wednesday when I was at my parents I thought how fun it would be to take him (just Teague and I) across town to the old elementary school and sled down the hill! He seemed SO excited. So I bundled the both of us up and drove across town. After the second ride down the hill he says to me "Mommy? Wanna carry me up?" and I said "No". And he says again "Mommy? Wanna carry me?" and I say "No, I just want to hold your hand" (I was already huffing and puffing - I didn't really want to carry a 35 pounder up with me. To which he then tells me "I. WANT. TO. GO. HOME. TO. NANA. AND. PAPA'S. HOUSE." All done sledding. And then he cries all the way back home (over and over) "MY. HANDS. ARE COLD! MY. HANDS. ARE. COLD!" and I just kept telling myself "Keep it together, Mollie. Don't lose your cool." and finally when we got home and he screamed it one last time I couldn't help it, I said "I HEARD YOU!". Ugh. I am guilty. Guilty of trying to be the best mom I can be and sometimes I really just suck. I hope he forgives me someday.