Mother's Guilt

I hate it. Mother's guilt. It's the worst. Lately I have really been feeling like Teague is getting the best of me in his 2 1/2 year old way. He constantly challenges me. In. Every. Thing. He. Does. I try really hard to be patient and go with the flow but when he yells at bedtime "I. WANT. THE. DOOR. OPEN." (and that's like the millionth thing he has sing-songy yelled for the evening) I want to yell right back "I. WANT. PEACE. AND. QUIET." or "I. DON'T. CARE." or in all reality - let's be honest - sometimes I really just want to yell "SHUT.....it" - but the adult in me (there is one on occassion) knows better. At least this time. So I think of things after I have 10 minutes to myself before my own bedtime to do things alone with Teague so he feels "special" about being alone with me. So the next morning I say to him "Teague, let's go to Charlie's Cafe for pancakes. Just me and you!" And he exclaims "NO! I. WANT. TO. STAY. HOME!" Ugh, fine. So much for trying. Or how about on Wednesday when I was at my parents I thought how fun it would be to take him (just Teague and I) across town to the old elementary school and sled down the hill! He seemed SO excited. So I bundled the both of us up and drove across town. After the second ride down the hill he says to me "Mommy? Wanna carry me up?" and I said "No". And he says again "Mommy? Wanna carry me?" and I say "No, I just want to hold your hand" (I was already huffing and puffing - I didn't really want to carry a 35 pounder up with me. To which he then tells me "I. WANT. TO. GO. HOME. TO. NANA. AND. PAPA'S. HOUSE." All done sledding. And then he cries all the way back home (over and over) "MY. HANDS. ARE COLD! MY. HANDS. ARE. COLD!" and I just kept telling myself "Keep it together, Mollie. Don't lose your cool." and finally when we got home and he screamed it one last time I couldn't help it, I said "I HEARD YOU!". Ugh. I am guilty. Guilty of trying to be the best mom I can be and sometimes I really just suck. I hope he forgives me someday.